How do you even begin to start talking about how you let your life spiral out of control? Especially when your focus and strength is supposed to be control and grounding and centering, and being all Zen and shit? In this day and age, busy has become a badge of honor for people, bragging about how “oh, I’m just so busy” with a nice exasperated sigh included in there for good measure. So how do you admit that you need to stop, slow down, and start back at your beginning?
My life is full, it’s never too busy. Busy isn’t “not enough time”, it’s a failure to prioritize issue. You aren’t too busy, you just didn’t make <whatever it is> your priority. My life is full, and it is awesome! But it’s not TOO BUSY. I truly love the life that I have created. I love having a calendar with lots of different colored pen marks filling up the days and weeks and months. It gives me a sense of accomplishment, and I honestly can’t imagine what I would give up in order to “slow down” as people keep suggesting (lovingly) that I do.
But wait. . . guess who hasn’t been going to yoga class herself. THIS GIRL! And it’s not that I’ve been too busy, it’s that I failed to make my own yoga practice a priority.
First it started with taking over the studio, and trying to get that running, and that was my excuse. Then I was traveling. Then I was sick. and then and then and then, excuse, excuse, excuse. . . Yeah, failure to prioritize. I believe this has caused me to suffer, myself, as a yoga teacher. I lost the voice in my head. The voice of my favorite past teachers, the ones I could always hear and use as a guide when teaching my own class. And I’ve been feeling discombobulated lately. . . did I even spell that right? Who knows. . . what I do know is that I’ve been feeling disconnected from source. And after a long family trip for Thanksgiving, I am feeling drained, and like I picked up an energy zapper, a hitchhiker on my soul. I am feeling lost, and maybe it is time to hunker down for the winter, start my hibernation, my slow down, respect the season,
(I know, I know, I still have a month left until the winter solstice. But I can feel my body, my spirit starting to lay the ground work for the movement to the next season. Hey, btw, here is some great information for the season of intention setting: http://www.soulflowyoga.com.au/5-ways-to-manifest-your-goals-this-winter-solstice/ )
So, tonight, I went to Yin. 15 hour road trip, and my body needed a little restoration, and I needed to connect with my soul again, and for the first time in a couple of months I was CRAVING a yoga class. Bring a little stretch into my hips, shoulders, ribs, brain. And I absolutely loved closing with an intention setting instead of opening with one. After you are all gooey and mushy and warm, when you are in the midst of yogi-brain, set the intention then, that point where you really feel connected to your energy. And I realized when I came into this mental space, that what I really needed right now was to give myself some Grace.
That’s the word that came to me, Grace. I need to accept my efforts have been the best I could do, I have done enough, I am enough. And now it’s time to focus a little more on taking care of me, it’s time to coast along for a little while. It’s time to breathe